Road to 2024—LGBTQ Kids Under Attack: Leah, 16, Sunman, Indiana

Leading up to the 2024 Presidential election, Uncloseted Media is featuring the voice of an LGBTQ kid from a different state where queer kids rights are under attack. This is Leah's story.

Leah Hutson posing before Queer Prom where she felt amazing to be who she truly is, “a girl who likes girls and loves to wear a suit”. (Photo courtesy of Hutson.)

Editors’ note: This article includes mention of suicide and contains details about those who have attempted to take their own lives. If you are having thoughts of suicide, or are concerned that someone you know may be, resources are available here.

Since 2022, Indiana has passed multiple laws that restrict the rights of LGBTQ kids. The “Education Matters Bill”, which was signed into law in 2023, prohibits discussion and instruction about LGBTQ issues in the classroom and requires that school staff must notify a parent if students wish to change their pronouns. Another bill bans minors from receiving gender affirming healthcare. A third prohibits transgender girls from participating in girls’ sports. 

These laws, coupled with anti-trans rhetoric from politicians and lawmakers, have created a hostile environment for LGBTQ students in Indiana. A 2021 report by The Indiana Department of Health found that 65 percent of students who seriously considered suicide identified as Gay, Lesbian or Bisexual. 

Of the roughly 470,000 kids aged 13-to-17 in Indiana in 2020, an estimated 43,000 of them identify as LGBTQ, meaning they make up about nine percent of teenagers in the state. Despite this, LGBTQ students make up almost 30 percent of the students who were bullied on school grounds in Indiana.

In an interview with Uncloseted Media, Leah Hutson (she/her), a 16-year-old lesbian from the 923-person town of Sunman, Indiana, speaks about her experience with harassment, her need to hide her queer identity at school and the isolation that comes from being queer at this political moment. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

Hutson (Left) with her sibling Ash at their first ever Pride. (Photo courtesy of Hutson.)

When you saw this note show up in your inbox, what made you want to share your story with us?

Growing up in a very rural place there is really no coverage on any of this. I think that having a voice is important and I think that it can help many people.

Tell us about your coming out story.

So I identify as a lesbian, but also queer. I was playing elite softball for my whole life. It was all I did. I got to a point where I didn’t want to play anymore and I talked to my parents about mentally not doing great. The more we talked about that, I realized I wasn’t straight. I came out to my mom first and she was really accepting. I came out to my dad with a poem that said ‘roses are red, violets are blue, I like girls and boys too.’

Living in such a rural area, what is school like? Do you ever witness any bullying or harassment against the LGBTQ community?

I have never personally experienced it at school because I don’t put it out there and I’m not a very out there person but I know that there is bullying. I have a couple of friends who will just be walking down the hall and someone will call them the [homophobic] F slur and then just casually move on. 

A couple weeks ago, I did experience something not fun where we got called a slur. It was at a skating rink in Seymour, Indiana.

Hutson trying on a suit for the first time. (Photo courtesy of Hutson.)

What did that feel like?

So my friend was literally just trying to grab our shoes from the other side [of the rink] and they came back and they sat next to me and told me what had just happened. This group was sitting over there and they were like, ‘what are you going to do?’ and then proceeded to say the f slur. My friend was very obviously upset. we went to the bathroom and we came back out and when I passed, they also called me the f slur. 

That is not a great feeling. Mentally lately it has been very up and down. It made me feel like everyone hated me, even the people who really do love me. I've had to ask for constant reassurance since that has happened and like. I don't feel like myself anymore. And I'm definitely a lot less confident since that has happened. I don’t want to experience it again.

When you say you don't put it out there that much at school, what do you mean by that?  

I don't dress a certain way or look a certain way where someone would be like, ‘oh, that person likes women.’ I don't put it out there because I don't want any of what happened at the roller rink to ever happen again. 

Even when we’re doing an activity in class and you have to write down your favorite stuff. I don't necessarily fully tell the truth because a lot of it is very clearly coded, being like, ‘oh yeah, I listen to Luke Combs. He's my favorite artist ever.’ Where I wish I could just be like, ‘I listen to boygenius or I listen to Reneé Rapp.’

Hutson (center) with her sister and friend wearing Reneé Rapp merchandise after seeing Rapp in the ‘Mean Girls’ movie. (Photo courtesy of Hutson.)

How does it feel to go to school where you have kids dropping f-slurs?

It is definitely very scary especially not having very strict gun laws and stuff like that. Just because of someone who I love or like how I identify, the fact that that can affect someone’s view of me is insane to me. I am just trying to go to school.

I know that they’re also hurt because that’s what people do when they hurt, they bully other people, but that also doesn’t give them the right to make people feel like that.

It is two completely different worlds that I live in: going to school and then coming home and being very accepted and loved for who I am.

Are there spaces in school that make you more nervous about being subjected to this sort of hate?

I feel the least safe in either unpopulated hallways or really crowded hallways, because in either one, anything could really happen and no one's really there paying attention.

The bathroom too. It’s kind of just you and anyone can walk in. And if you’re in the bathroom, you can’t see anyone like you don’t know who just walked in. As someone who’s very vigilant about who’s where and what’s happening, not being able to do that is very scary.

There are many politicians using transphobic and anti-LGBTQ rhetoric these days. How does that impact you as a 16 year old queer person in Indiana?

I don’t turn on the news a lot because watching all this stuff happen, especially anti-LGBTQ laws, all of that mentally affects me. I take it very personally. When I do see those things, it is earth shattering. I'm just trying to live my life and people don't like that because of who I love or what I identify as.

In what ways?

It just makes me feel like what is the point of being here on this planet when all of that happens to people who are like me in this community. What's the point if we're going to receive this hate and we're never going to have equal rights or to be able to just live a normal life. That is something that I just think about a lot when I see stuff like that.

Hutson at Kentuckiana Pride where she was “living [her] best life” and got to see Chappell Roan perform. (Photo courtesy of Hutson.)

Do you feel like you have resources to go to when you feel that way?

Yeah. My family is all very accepting and I have a therapist who has been amazing and is part of the community. But also, therapy is not accessible for most people so I know that I am very lucky to have the support system that I do.

Only answer if you’re comfortable, the CDC released data that 41 percent of queer youth in the US have seriously considered suicide in the last year, has it ever gone that far for you?

Before I came out definitely. Processing all of that and just feeling very isolated and alone, it was hard. There were a couple of times where I thought maybe it would just be easier if I wasn't here. After coming out, it felt a lot better and a lot less heavy but stuff has happened since then and from time to time I realize I need help because if I don’t have help I’m not going to be here.

Now that I know I can ask for help it’s great but sometimes the lows are just really low. 

Because you can’t go to the ballot box yet, what would you say if you could speak your mind through voting? 

I think that it would be nice for them to look at me and my community as just human beings. We are just trying to live our lives the best that we can while figuring out all the stuff that are in these LGBTQ laws. You just feel helpless. Because things are getting passed, how can I be safe? How can I just be able to live day to day? How can I get through the day without anything happening to me? I think it’s important for them to see us as just kids trying to live our lives.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Hotline. Other support hotlines.