This Lesbian Visibility Week, I’m Telling the Scared Little Girl I Once Was It’s Okay to Feel Free

I asked queer women in my orbit—including Uncloseted staffers, board members and followers—to share a bit about lesbian love.

Desgin by Soph Holland.

At 13 years old, I remember looking in the mirror in my Toronto bathroom and thinking, “Yeah, I’m a lesbian.” At the time, I thought it was a dirty word. Thinking back, it could be because the first time I heard it was when a family member said, “I don’t know what a lesbian is, they are like aliens.”

And although I walked around in camouflage Crocs with a rainbow My Little Pony charm, plaid knee-length shorts and a shark tooth necklace (yes, these are all, in my opinion, stereotypically lesbian apparel!), I didn’t feel like I fit the mold. The longer I thought about it, the worse I felt, so I buried my feelings deep inside.

Photos courtesy of Holland

Now I am 25, and I have been out since I was 22. Three years ago, I never could have imagined that I’d be working for a queer news publication and celebrating Lesbian Visibility Week (LVW), an annual event meant to honor and uplift lesbian perspectives and highlight the hardships our community faces. To me, LVW is so important because, frankly, it has been an absolute shit show getting here, to a place where I feel love and joy most days.

I think back to the frustration of constantly being asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?” Of watching princess movies and seeing a broken girl only find herself when her prince charming arrives. I remember listening to music that was always about heterosexual relationships. I remember feeling left out in high school when, one by one, my friends got boyfriends.

I tried the boyfriend, and I tried really hard for it to work at a large detriment to my wellbeing. I brainwashed myself into thinking I was probably bisexual, which I told my closest friends around 16 and unsuccessfully told my parents at the same age. I was probably subconsciously using this as a litmus test of their acceptance and to soothe the anxiety I felt around my sexuality.

Learning to love who I am did not only come from me unraveling my internalized lesbophobia and dissecting the oppressive societal messages of heteronormativity. It came from meeting an awesome community of lesbians and queers. I found people who understood my worldview and who showed me the ropes. I no longer had to stutter over concepts like lesbian loneliness or my frustration with misogynistic straight men.

They all just got it.

Without this community, I am not sure if I could be as warm and confident in myself as I am today.

Ryan, Parker, Serena, Jas, me, and Riley (from left to right). My queer girlfriends and our gay best friend.

And while I still experience homophobia, like being spat on while walking with an ex in downtown Toronto or having a stranger yell in my face “Are you fucking lesbians?” in Kensington Market, the joy and love still outweighs the nasty.

So, as the sentimental dyke that I have become, I decided to ask a set of lesbians in my orbit—including my friends as well as Uncloseted staffers, board members and followers—if they would share a little bit about what makes them love being a lesbian. And now, I can share it with all of you. Here they are. Happy LVW!

Timi Sotire

Uncloseted Media freelancer Timi Sotire and her wife Sophia (right).

“

Falling in love with her was a reset. I felt like a kid again, hopeful about the future. We’ve had to overcome many obstacles to be together but I’d choose her in every lifetime. I was sick with a long-term health condition when we met, and hanging out with Sophia really helped me with my recovery after my surgery.

Bella Sayegh

Uncloseted Media audio production intern Bella Sayegh (left), and her girlfriend Abby Chittenden (right). They’ve been together for three years.

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Being a lesbian is one of the most beautiful things in the world. To be authentically yourself in resistance and joy is so special within the lesbian community.

Parker Wales

Parker Wales (left) has been with her girlfriend, Liv Brolley (right), for four years. They had their first date at a coffee shop in Toronto’s Kensington Market.

“

When I met Liv, I finally understood why almost every song is about love.

Gillian Kilgour

Gillian Kilgour at an Association Football Club Pride March flying a lesbian flag (right), and with her girlfriend Leslie (left).

“

There is no connection quite as perfect as between lesbians, no one sees me like my lesbians do.

Chyna Price

Chyna Price, Uncloseted Media follower and poet. Find her work here.

“

There’s many things I love about being a lesbian. But here are my top three:

1. There’s just a deeper understanding when it comes to being loved by another woman.

2. The next one would be the sense of community, especially being a POC masculine-presenting lesbian. I don’t feel like I’m cosplaying as someone else like I felt like I was doing before I came out.

3. There’s so much history going back to the 1800s on how we found and fought for our love. That fight makes me proud because it shows me … that we’ve [found] ways to express our love even when it was misunderstood, illegal and deemed as madness.

Hope Pisoni

Uncloseted Media journalist Hope Pisoni (right), and her spouse Río (left), on their wedding day in New York City. Photo by Bailey Quinlan.

“

Before I knew I was a lesbian, romantic relationships seemed suffocating—it felt like everyone would expect me to act my part in the meticulous performance that is heterosexuality. But meeting my spouse and discovering our identities together showed me just how freeing it could be to love without a script to follow.

Leital Molad

Uncloseted Media advisory board member Leital Molad (right) and her partner Vee Pastore (left).

“

It was the joy of watching the New York Sirens defeat the Toronto Sceptres at our first professional women’s hockey game—surrounded by hundreds (maybe thousands?) of cheering lesbians.

Angela Earl

Uncloseted Media advisory board chair Angela Earl (left) and her girlfriend Christine Oliva-Castillo (right).

“

I spent years building a life that looked right. But I never felt settled, and eventually I started asking what would actually make me happy. Coming out was about more than who I love, it was letting go of everything I was told to be. The last few years have felt like coming home to a life that had been waiting for me.

Tali Bray

Uncloseted Media advisory board member Tali Bray (left) and her girlfriend Machu Latorre (right). They have been together for three and a half years.

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What I love about being a lesbian is what I love about being in love…the wonder and joy of “oh, this is what it’s supposed to feel like.” I love moving through the world with women.

Izzy Stokes

Uncloseted Media video editor Izzy Stokes (right) and her girlfriend Jules Rein (left) in New York City.

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I didn’t fall in love until I realized that queerness was an option. My queer friends have helped me see so much more than I grew up seeing. I’m so proud of us, and I’m so grateful for my lesbian community.

Nandika Chatterjee

Uncloseted freelancer Nandika Chatterjee (right) and her fiancée, Abigail (left).

“

When I met my fiancée is when I started to feel most like myself. That meant loving myself for who I am and embracing my identity as a lesbian. I felt free in a way I have never before. That’s the long and short of it.

Liz Lucking

Uncloseted Media advisory board member Liz Lucking (left) and her wife Christine Malanga (right). They met on Lucking’s first Hinge date while she was studying at Columbia University’s Journalism School and have been together for 11 years. Photo by Hugo Coelho.

“

The love and joy of being a lesbian is getting to live the life I dreamed of but never thought I would get to have!

Reflections

As I read these beautiful entries, it’s not lost on me that we’re still living in a world where lesbians are more likely to struggle with maternity problems, fetishization and compulsory heterosexuality—not to mention the intersectional pressures of racism from both inside and outside the queer community. That’s part of why, according to a 2024 survey, 22% of LGBTQ women have attempted suicide, and 66% have sought treatment for trauma.

So if you are a lesbian who isn’t out or doesn’t feel safe, I hope you read this and can glean some hope from these messages. So when you look in the mirror, you know that it’s okay to release the weight—which can feel so heavy—of a heteronormative world.

We still have a long fight until all lesbians can feel safe to be themselves, but this is a community that does not back away from the tough, from the joy, from being loud and from all the other things that it takes to start a small revolution.

Hell yeah, lesbians! Here’s to you.

*I am signing off with my cat on my lap and a pride flag over my head <3.

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