Why Am I Still Explaining Being Bisexual in 2025?
Sam Donndelinger | Uncloseted Media Weekly Newsletter
Hi everyone! Spencer is swamped this week so he gave me the Substack password and here we are. :)
I’m Sam Donndelinger, one of Uncloseted’s lead reporters and designers.
I’m also a bisexual woman in my twenties. And sometimes, I forget I’m allowed to take up space in this fight. There’s this weird in-between feeling, like I’m hovering on the edge of the movement, half-welcome and half-explaining why I care.
I didn’t have language for being bisexual until I was 19. I grew up homeschooled in small-town Maryland and didn’t know anyone who was queer. When I was 16, I chirped from the backseat of my mom’s car, “Wow, that girl on the sidewalk is cute!” The excitement in my voice was juxtaposed with my mom’s and sister’s silence as they waited for me to say more.
Three years later, sitting at my kitchen table, I casually told my parents what I had been feeling: “I’m bisexual.” My mom burst into tears and gave me a big hug.
My dad asked, “So… what exactly does that mean?”
Having overcome the hurdle of telling my parents, I thought the hard part was over. But when I moved to New York, I started learning about the insidious ways *biphobia* can manifest.
There have been countless times when I’ve had to answer my dad’s question after coming out to people, perhaps because 15% of Americans—according to a 2013 study—don’t believe bisexual people are real.
After I asked someone if they were queer at a party, they were offended until they learned I was bisexual from a mutual friend. They were surprised because I “came off really straight.”
At another event, I was asked to leave when I made a woman feel uncomfortable during a game of truth or dare when I told the group I’d rather kiss her than a guy.
So am I too straight or too gay?
My first relationship being with a guy didn’t help. I immediately felt outcasted by other LGBTQ people. I felt I had to print a resume of queerness recounting my sexual experiences with women for people to believe that I am indeed bisexual.
In these moments, I wonder why I feel the need to explain myself to feel safe in my identity. Is it because there is so much external chaos trying to strip away queer rights? Is it because my burdens are less than my LGBTQ siblings? Is it because I want to be able to occupy queer spaces without the worry of intruding or offending?
I’m not dismissing the very real privilege of being perceived as straight. I get to move through the world a lot easier and a lot safer.
All I am saying is that when Spencer asked if I had something to say about being bisexual for this week's newsletter, my mind once again came up blank. I have never been asked to speak about it before and I think that is part of the problem.
We deserve space. We deserve a voice. And we deserve to tell our stories.
![Most Porn is Made by and for Men. This Queer Director is Changing That [WATCH]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!sC8g!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F21ae38cb-65b0-4501-8ca4-084a14e974b4_1236x810.png)
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As we approach one year of bringing accountability journalism to your inbox, we want to celebrate with you. In person!
Join us at the Stonewall Inn on Wednesday, Sept. 17 for Uncloseted’s one-year anniversary celebration from 6-9pm.
Together, we will commemorate a year of LGBTQ focused journalism. Expect a blend of community, celebration and fabulous entertainment. Stay tuned for more details—we can’t wait to celebrate with you!
Portland Catholic School Revokes Admission for Same-Sex Couple’s Children (The Oregonian)
Some parents are considering whether to remove their children from St. Agatha Catholic School in Southeast Portland after the school revoked an offer of admissions to the children of a same-sex couple.
Pete Buttigieg Says Trans Athletes in Women’s Sports Raise ‘Serious Fairness Issues’ (Them)
The former transportation secretary joins a list of Democrats who are conceding to the right on the issue.
Court Blocks Trump's Anti-LGBTQ Restrictions on Grants in Health and Housing (Washington Blade)
Funding suspended under Trump orders targeting DEI, trans rights.
Judge Halts Non-Binary Person's Deportation to the U.S. as Trump Dismantles Trans Rights (CBC)
Advocates say ruling could set an ‘important precedent’ for 2SLGBTQ+ immigrants and refugees.
Over the week, be on the lookout for new Uncloseted reporting:
🆕 Last month, we reported that the Trump administration’s funding cuts to HIV programs could have disastrous impacts on the trajectory of the epidemic. But HIV isn’t the only thing affected. Hope Pisoni speaks with experts, doctors and Kenyan residents to uncover how Trump’s cuts have thrown the country’s entire health system into disarray.
🆕 After the Boy Scouts of America and the Girl Scouts of the USA began accepting openly LGBTQ members, evangelical Christians were outraged. In 1995, four years after the Girl Scouts affirmed that lesbians could join, Patti Garibay founded American Heritage Girls (AHG), a scouting alternative for “biological girls.” Tom Sayers investigates AHG and its male counterpart, Trail Life USA.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to email us with questions, complaints and story ideas!
Sam Donndelinger,
Investigative Reporter
sam.donndelinger@unclosetedmedia.com
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As a bisexual woman in a heteronormative relationship I relate to this so much